Confession time

Good blessed Sunday to you,

I pray your week has gone stellar and if you partake in any Lenten practices your additions or subtractions are going well. I’ve given up Trivia Crack which is going ok. With school work and other tasks to keep me busy, I don’t miss it quite yet. 🙂

Since I want to be as authentic as possible on this blog, it’s virtual confession time. This is difficult to admit, however I’ve been neglecting the blog world and link-ups because I’ve been having a personal pity party for myself. The feelings I often attempt to do my best to avoid have been getting the worst of me; envy, jealousy, and depression. I have so much to be thankful for—God who has a plan for this life He has given me, a loving daughter and family, friends who truly care, education and opportunities to become the best social worker I can be and I still fall into this trap. (frowny face)

As much as I love to put on a face of confidents, acceptance and I’ve got this when it comes to blindness, I have days when I feel so left out and wish I still had my useable vision. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me; I’m just rambling about how I have recently felt. Prayerfully once I’m done writing I will feel different. I’ve tried to ponder what is it about being blind that makes me feel left out, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it is not really the blindness. It is more of my personality. Since I’m more reserved I’m not VERY outgoing in social situations which results in me waiting for others to approach or start a conversation. At times I feel left out because I know there are so many subtle visual cues (a glance here, eye contact there), I miss out on. Yes, I’m able to compensate with my other senses but let’s be for real—we live in a visual world and nonverbals mean a lot. I love having friends and family take pictures for me, but I wish I could join in on the fun of looking at them, especially the ones of K.

Ok, so I could dribble on and on and bring this post down, but that’s not my goal. I’m trying to process through how I’ve been feeling and find some meaning in it all. A huge take away I’m finding is the traps Satan attempts to get us to fall into along with the comfy places of negativity which are so easy to remain stuck in. At least that’s how it is for me some days. If it’s different for you, please let me know how you keep the positivity flowing.

I love the Bible for many reasons, however more and more I’m realizing it is God’s book which has anything we need at any time. I found this verse in Proverbs that really got me thinking about how I’ve been feeling along with the long-term consequences.

“A heart at peace gives life to the body,

but envy rots the bones.” – Proverbs 14:30

 

Wow, how descriptive and timely. I want my actions, words and heart to give life to my spirit, body and soul. Lent is the perfect time to work on growing closer to God and trusting in Him more than myself. I don’t want envy and similar emotions to be the focus of my days. In a way I could call these feelings of negativity, but in a way they are positive since because of these emotions I’m becoming more aware of what I need to continue to work on. Cultivating trust, peace, joy and love.

What are your thoughts?

Until next time,

Anjelina

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