“Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together.” Brené Brown
encapsulates the message I am attempting to convey with this post.
On this Thanksgiving day, it has taken a lot of pondering, energy and courage to write this exposing post. With the help of an unconditional loving God, close friends/family and a wise team of professionals, I am finally slowly climbing my way out of the valley of depression. Although every day is not glitter and rainbows, I am blessed to hold onto the hope that things will continue to get better. What is difficult to admit is I have relapsed into anorexia.
When I wrote the last letter to my eating disorder in March, I was at a different place; I was much stronger emotionally, physically and mentally. Despite this relapse I haven’t fully given up on recovery; I still believe all I said in my previous recovery-oriented post. I’ve been down this dark isolating path before and know I have to vigorously fight against the illogical disordered thoughts and put everything I have into recovery. You may wonder, why are you telling the world about your struggles?
Well, it’s sure not easy. I don’t like to show my faults and flaws because it displays vulnerability and weakness. However, I’m learning that when we are authentic, we don’t put up a front to play a part or wear a mask. For anyone who is going through a difficult time, I want you to know you are not alone. Contrary to what depression or an eating disorder may try to have us believe, our lives do matter and we are worthy of life, love, happiness, hope, and nourishment. We are enough.
I felt convicted to examine my thoughts and actions. I realized I don’t want my life to be a time of a useless existence. I want something positive to come out of this struggle. I do not want to be a statistic of yet another life taken way to early by an eating disorder.
I’m realizing I need to learn to let go of unrealistic fears.
I need to take responsibility for my mistakes and faults, but I cannot assume responsibility for others’ shortcomings.
Disconnecting from the fast-paced world of social media for a time is helpful to regroup and recharge.
Striving to better myself is not the same as trying to attain the unattainable goal of perfectionism.
Although scary, taking risks is better than retreating to the safety and familiarity of the eating disorder.
Being vulnerable is more rewarding than being a victim of self-destruction.
I pray this honest vulnerability is helpful to someone out there. I pray you had a happy Thanksgiving with friends and family.
Until next time,
working toward recovery and rediscovering who I am