“For me, prayer is a surge of the heart; it is a simple look turned toward heaven, it is a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.” St. Therese of Lisieux
Hello there on this windy Wednesday,
As with all posts, I hope someone is able to glean something from my rambles and vulnerability. As I said in a past entry over the last few weeks I’ve felt quite disconnected from friends, life and things I’ve previously enjoyed. Blogging is one of those pastimes which has brought me much peace and contentment, however, this entry is a chore to write. I am having to push myself out of my comfort zone to share how I’ve been feeling. Even though I know every day with a mood disorder isn’t going to be sunshine and rainbows, I’ve reached this point of frustration. I am tired of not knowing what consistency feels like or where the middle is on this tiring cyclical roller-coaster. The past few months I felt absolutely wonderful, happy, enthused and full of life and racing thoughts. Over the past weeks, however, the fog has been beginning to descend slowly on my brain and mood. I struggle to recognize when I’m headed toward feeling to good, but am able to immediately identify when the big storm cloud of depression is about to come crashing down with its torrents of sadness.
For anyone who can relate with these feelings, here is what I have been doing to attempt to pull myself out of the abyss.
• No matter what, unless otherwise indicated by your medical professional, remain compliant on medications. I’ve tried in the past to play personal doctor and tweaked dosages of meds in attempts to feel better, however, it led to feeling more depressed and off balance.
• Despite how you feel, do not isolate. Nothing good will come out of the lies of a depressive episode.
• If you feel your moods and sleep patterns are shifting, track them to find trends which can possibly be reversed before the spiral gets out of control.
• Do your best to regulate your sleep. Little sleep or sleeping your life away aren’t healthy ends of the spectrum.
• Examine and deal with any external events or stressors which could be contributing to mood dysregulation.
• Call or text a friend to see how they are doing to get out of your head. I’ve found when I talk to a friend who understands how I am feeling or who is willing to simply listen, I don’t feel as if I’m on this desolate island.
• Listen to soothing music. Lately Audrey Assad and Enya have been cued up on my playlist. The calming aspects of the music and positive reminders from the lyrics are quite helpful.
• Fake it till you make it. I’m sure you’ve also heard this saying many times over, but it’s so true. Whether it’s with eating disorder recovery or when I feel like isolating is when I need to be around my support system the most. When I feel sad an alone is when I need to step outside of myself and how I feel to check in with a friend.
• Keep on living. God has given us one life to live and while we carry this cross, he is always with us.
• When I have nothing to say, remembering to pray and repeating Jesus I trust in you brings me peace. Trusting God’s got this helps relieve some of the anxiety. While today may not be a good day, tomorrow always has the possibility to be better.
• It’s okay to not be okay. In a world which requires us to wear our game face and appear as if we’ve all got it together, there is nothing wrong with admitting to those we trust that “I’m struggling and need help.”
• Take one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. Try to not look at the big picture through the filtered lens of depression. What you may see now is not always an accurate perception of life and the world.
I pray these realizations are helpful to someone out there. Know you are not alone and you will be and are okay.
Until next time,
Peace be with you