It has been some time since I last wrote.
I first read the below poem when I was a teenager in eating disorder treatment for the first time. Not only did this poem express how I felt toward my insecurities, it also provided me another voice different from the figurative one of anorexia. I still revisit this gem when I feel unsure of recovery and where I’m headed in life. I believe we all strive for acceptance and approval, and for me, rejection of any type is quite difficult to deal with, especially since I am naturally a sensitive person.
Nearly 20 years later I still struggle with similar insecurities, however, I am slowly learning that I have a healthy voice who wants to life and be heard. I pray this poem speaks to your heart if you are struggling with self-esteem, body image or any type of insecurity.
Paint Brush Poem
I keep my paint brush with me
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So the real me doesn’t show.
I’m so afraid to show you me,
Afraid of what you’ll do – that
You might laugh or say mean things.
I’m afraid I might lose you.
I’d like to remove all my paint coats
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.
So if you’ll be patient and close your eyes,
I’ll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts
To let the real, me show.
Now my coats are all stripped off.
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You are my friend, pure as gold.
I need to save my paint brush, though,
And hold it in my hand,
I want to keep it handy
In case somebody doesn’t understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paint brush with me Until I love me, too
Until next time,