Finding Strength in Weakness bloggers. The Mass readings for today really spoke to where I have been and continue to be mentally and spiritually. When it comes to depression, I am blessed beyond measure to have found a therapist who says very few words; however, when she speaks I certainly listen.I falsely bought into this mindset that meds should fix my depression and anxiety, but it is only 5% of the battle, and the rest is the hardest part of doing the heavy lifting to tangibly do something to help myself. The truth that depression may never vacate my life is something I am learning to accept. This is where I can relate to St. Paul’s assertion to let God’s will be done no matter the struggles, because I believe through offering it up, strength can be found in weakness.And fyi, this does not mean I gleefully carry on my merry way without my grumbles to the G man.Here are the readings for today if interested: is the cross I try to graciously carry, but today tears and the overwhelming feeling of defeat nearly took me under, but it is the little things I am learning through therapy which have given me tools to make incremental changes. For example, getting out of bed when all I want to do is cry seems to be my recent struggle, but despite how I feel, because feelings are not always factual and are often fleeting, I have been setting a timer so I can have my cry-time, but as soon as the timer goes off, that’s when I have to make a choice to push past how I feel and realize in the little moments I have choices. Now, I am the first to say it sure is not easy, and most of the time as I am going through the motions, the despair does not lift, but in these times I can see the healing in my brokenness.I have been doing a daily Examen, which has also really helped to put each day into perspective. Here is a link about the Examen: the sun, hearing the birds and holding to my faith and the simple prayer, “Jesus, I trust in you” are what keep me going. Also, I know the world cannot bring me peace or eradicate my struggles is even more dependence on my faith, and while this sounds morbid, the truth is each day we are one closer to death, and with heaven as my goal, with ten trillion years of purgatory before my final destination, I can feel the painful reformation and molding God is doing in my heart, mind and soul. And what’s so amazing is how those in my life have been His instruments.I wish no one had to struggle, I wish everyone who claim the title Christian made it a daily way of life instead of a to-do Sunday obligation, and the list goes on and on, but instead of wishing life away,in whatever situations, or through trials, joys and those who are placed in my life I find strength in at least doing what I can each day, and when I falter we are blessed to begin again tomorrow.I pray in what we say and do we can be authentic examples of compassion, kindness and friendship to all we meet.Until next time,Anjelina


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